


My Heart Hurts So Good

by jacobperalta



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:54:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24896536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jacobperalta/pseuds/jacobperalta
Summary: Based on this quote from Euripides that I just can't stop thinking about."I'll take care of you.""It's rotten work.""Not to me. Not if it's you."
Relationships: Rachel Berry/Quinn Fabray
Comments: 5
Kudos: 150





	My Heart Hurts So Good

**Author's Note:**

> Really quick one-shot for you guys today! I wrote it last night because I stumbled onto this quote again and I just couldn't get over how Faberry it was. Hope you guys like it. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own glee, their characters or Euripides.

Rachel is tired of waiting. She’s not an idiot, far from it actually. She knows there’s something happening between Quinn and her. She knows their friends are starting to figure it out too. She can tell by the side eyes Santana gives her when Quinn is over at their apartment or the knowing smile Sam has when he tells them “ _ Well I’ll leave you two girls alone _ ” when Rachel visits them in New Haven. 

They got really close during the last year of high school since Rachel was the one that helped Quinn come back to Glee club and she even was the one that dyed Quinn’s hair back to blonde when she got tired of the pink. Quinn then bought them those Metro North passes and they made sure to use them as much as possible. 

Rachel is in touch with her emotions enough to know what they have now is not friendship, it’s way more. She knows it by the way they do more than just sit next to each other when they watch a movie, they cuddle. They don’t just sleep next to each other during visits, Quinn has her arm around Rachel’s waist and her body molded to hers. Quinn is the one that holds the door open for her and takes her hand subconsciously, her thumb rubbing the back of her hand. They do basically everything that a couple do. 

Except  _ actually _ date.

The thing is, Rachel knows Quinn enough to know the blonde speaks in actions, not words. But it doesn’t mean it makes the whole are-we-dating-or-are-we-not thing easier. For someone who’s studying creative writing, you’d think Quinn would be better at expressing how she feels but it’s definitely not one of her strongest qualities. 

At this point in their “relationship”, she knows that she’s in love with Quinn. She  _ does _ know that Quinn loves her by the way she remembers her favorite foods, remembers she likes to sleep with the window open but not too open, remembers that the _ Rent _ soundtrack is her go-to playlist in the shower and all these littles things that make Rachel  _ Rachel _ . She just wants to know if Quinn is  _ in love _ with her too. 

She might go insane if she doesn’t find out soon. 

Rachel thought that at one point, the blonde would have just stopped everything and kissed her but it hasn’t happened yet and Rachel is not nearly confident enough to make the first move out of nowhere. 

Which leads her to here. On a train to New Haven without Quinn even knowing she’s coming. She knows tonight is a good night though because she has the blonde’s schedule memorized and she knows the only class Quinn has tomorrow is at 3 PM. She also remembers the ex-cheerleader telling her something about Sam being out with some friends from his soccer team tonight so they’ll be alone. Not that that’s important because she has something precise in mind, she just appreciates the privacy. 

After all, maybe this will end badly, Rachel can’t be sure. Maybe the reason Quinn won’t pick up on her hints that she wants to be more than friends is because Quinn simply doesn’t want to date her. Quinn came out to her a few months ago, she knows her being a girl is not a problem but maybe  _ Rachel _ ’s the problem. Because let’s face it, even though they evolved a lot since high school; a part of Quinn will always be that head cheerleader and a part of Rachel will always be that loser who got slushied every other day and she’s not sure those two people are supposed to be in love. Maybe Quinn still just sees her as that pathetic big-nosed jewish girl and won’t even consider the idea of dating her. Because well let’s be real, Quinn is so out of her league. The blonde is pretty much out of everyone’s league. 

The train finally stops at their destination and Rachel fixes the headphones on her ears and grabs her bag before stepping out. She’s listening to one of Quinn’s playlist that the girl had made her when Rachel was dealing with her break-up with Finn and she’s not sure if it’s helping her get confident or making things worse. The beginning of Lorde’s _ Green Light _ starts playing and Rachel takes a big breath to calm down her nerves. She’s Rachel Berry. She’s got this. 

It seems fitting to walk outside and be met with pouring rain because it definitely matches the way she feels inside; a complete mess. She has no idea how this night will end and she just desperately hopes it won’t end with her running back to the station in tears. But Rachel has not always has the best luck with love so she keeps her expectations as low as possible. 

The 6 seconds she spends running to the nearby taxi completely drenches her but it’s nothing to what the rain does to her when she runs from the cab to Quinn’s apartment building. She seems to have enough luck to catch someone leaving the building as soon as she gets there though and enters the building with a sigh. She’s completely soaked and she can’t believe she’s about to go up to Quinn’s apartment looking like this. She hesitates for a second but decides that she hasn’t come all this way for nothing and besides, Quinn has definitely seen her in a worst condition. 

By the time she gets to the third floor where Quinn and Sam live, her whole body is shivering and her teeth are clattering violently. She’s rubbing her arms to warm herself up and brings a shaking hand to knock on the door. It takes way too long to finally hear the sound of the door unlocking and then Rachel is face to face with Quinn. The blonde is in an old pair of sweatpants and a hoodie that Rachel recognizes to be Sam’s, she’s wearing her glasses (which Rachel loves) and her hair is in a messy bun. Rachel recognizes that attire to mean Quinn has been in her room all evening watching shitty movies alone. 

The girl’s eyes widen when she recognizes Rachel. “Rachel, oh my God you’re drenched. Come in. Hurry.” She grabs her arm and pulls her in the apartment with force. The diva’s almost shaking too much to be able to answer so she just lets the blonde guide her to the bathroom. “What are you doing here? Did I forget you were supposed to come?” 

Rachel shakes her head. “No I-- I--” she tries to speak but her entire body is so cold she can’t even form a proper sentence. Quinn is looking at her with the most worried hazel eyes Rachel has ever seen and she can’t believe someone like Quinn Fabray is looking at her with so much tenderness in her eyes. She’s not sure she’s ever seen someone look at her like that. 

“Here,” Quinn says softly, taking Rachel’s wet coat off. “Take a shower, I’ll bring you some warm clothes and you’ll explain everything to me after, okay?” Rachel can only nod and Quinn smiles a little, rubbing her arms. “I’m really happy you’re here,” she whispers even though they’re the only ones in the apartment. Quinn kisses her forehead and gives her some privacy to take a shower. Rachel’s skin tingles where Quinn’s lips touched her and she cracks a smile through the shivers. 

The shower calms her down a little and she’s more clear headed when she gets out. Quinn put some of her clothes on the sink and Rachel changes into them quickly, her heart fluttering when Quinn’s scent suddenly surrounds her. It’s not the first time she’s worn Quinn’s clothes, not by a long shot, but it never fails to confirm just how much Rachel really loves her. Just putting on her clothes makes her feel protected because that’s what Quinn does; makes her feel safe. 

She finds Quinn on her stomach while watching the tv show she was probably watching before Rachel came over. The diva leans in the doorway a little, admiring the blonde and feeling so privileged to be one of the only person on Earth who gets to see Quinn in this light. Now that she’s warm and finally in the ex-cheerleader’s home, she feels a lot more calm about this. 

“Hey,” she says softly and it catches Quinn’s attention. She turns her head and a smile spreads across her face. The blonde moves so Rachel can have some space on the bed and pats the spot next to her. Rachel settles down on her side, facing Quinn.

“Hey you.” Quinn murmurs. “You okay?”

Rachel nods, lips pressed together. “Yeah. I just-- I needed to see you.”

Quinn frowns, “Are you okay? Do I need to have a talk with Santana again? Because if she’s bothering you again, I swear to--”

“No,” Rachel cuts her off with a small chuckle. “No, it’s not that.” 

“Okay. What is it then?”

Rachel is silent for a moment, diverting her gaze to the wall behind Quinn because the stare the blonde is giving her is almost too intense. It always feels like Quinn can read your soul when you look at her and it can be so intimidating sometimes. She remembers how that look made her feel when they were younger and the blonde was spitting insults at her face. Thankfully, she hasn’t felt that way in a long time now. She swallows hard, suddenly insecure again. “Why haven’t you kissed me yet?” she blurts out. 

“What?” Quinn says, brows furrowing. 

Rachel takes a breath. “I just-- Quinn, I love you so much. Like, I’m in love with you. Have been for a really long time. I want to be with you so bad and sometimes I feel like you might feel the same way I do but-- but you won’t do anything about it. Are you like-- ashamed of me? Or do you just not feel the same way I do? It’s killing me to not know if I’m making your feelings up in my head.”

It’s Quinn’s turn to be silent as she sits up from her laying position and leans against the wall. Rachel follows her movements and lets the blonde process the words as her heart beats hard against her chest. She knows the blonde likes to think before talking but the silence is nerve-wracking. Finally, she speaks up. 

“I’m in love with you too, Rachel.” Quinn says, looking at the floor and Rachel’s breath catches in her throat. But the celebration doesn’t last long. “But we can’t-- we can’t date.” 

Is this what it feels to get stabbed in the chest a dozen times? Because it feels as though a knife just got stabbed into her heart. 

“What?” Rachel says, breathlessly. “Why?” 

Quinn releases a dry chuckle and she looks at the diva in the eyes. “Rachel, you are the most  _ amazing _ woman I know. You are talented and selfless and beautiful and you have  _ such _ a big heart. I don’t-- I don’t deserve your love.”

Rachel tries to cut in. “Quinn, I’ve already forgiven you--”

“I know you did,” the blonde says, continuing. “But it doesn’t change the fact that you deserve better. You deserve someone that didn’t bully you for half of high school. I’m a mess, Rachel. I’m the kid that got pregnant at 16, that got kicked out of her house twice and even had to live with her best friend during senior year because her parents rejected her. I’m riddled with never-ending issues. I get nightmares and--”

Rachel shakes her head. “I don’t care about that.” Quinn stays silent and Rachel reaches out, taking Quinn’s delicate hands in hers. “I’ll take care of you.” 

“It’s rotten work.”

“Not to me. Not if it’s you.” Rachel says and she’s never meant anything more. She wants Quinn to realize how wonderful of a person she is now and how deeply and utterly in love Rachel is in with this person. “I love you, Quinn. All you have to do is say it back.” 

“Then what?” The blonde asks, voice filled with insecurity. 

“Then you kiss me,” Rachel says moving closer to the girl. Quinn looks at her, eyes filled with tears and for a moment, Rachel thinks she’s going to chicken out. If Quinn were to look away right now and reject her, she’s pretty sure that the pain would be worse then if she had straight up told her she wasn’t in love with her back. 

“I love you too, Rachel.” Quinn finally says and brings their lips together. 

Kissing Quinn Fabray is exactly how Rachel expected it to be. It’s feeling her stomach flip and seeing stars behind her eyelids because of how marvelous it feels to have those lips against hers. Rachel kisses back with every ounce of passion in her and she knows that now, their souls have become one. She is Quinn’s just like Quinn is hers. The blonde pulls away, dragging Rachel’s bottom lip between her teeth a little, just enough for the diva to feel it deep in her stomach. 

“Now what?” Quinn says, resting her forehead on Rachel’s who’s keeping her eyes closed so she never has to leave this moment.

Rachel smiles with peace. “Now we take care of each other.” 

**Author's Note:**

> I know, I know. It was really small but I hope you guys still liked it. If you did, don't forget to kudos because it means a lot. 
> 
> Find me on twitter: @chloebeaie


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